


Not on My Watch

by Profitmom



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Anger, F/M, Fights, Missing Scene, Star Trek Voyager season 4 The Omega Directive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-05
Updated: 2014-08-07
Packaged: 2018-02-11 21:22:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2083587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Profitmom/pseuds/Profitmom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Kathryn takes on a dangerous mission alone, Chakotay has something to say about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KMDWriterGrl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KMDWriterGrl/gifts).



> This is dedicated to my wonderful, great, awesome writing buddy KMDWriterGrl! She wanted to see a pissed off Chakotay and I think the Omega Directive from season 4 is the perfect time for this missing scene.

Tension was high on the bridge of Voyager. Chakotay was sure the entire ship felt it. For the last twelve hours, the ship’s first officer had been on tenterhooks. It had been almost that long ago when the Omega symbol had appeared on the view screens and turned their world and the ship upside down. At the time, Janeway had stridden onto the bridge, swore them all to secrecy and then sealed herself in her Ready Room. The ship held position so with nothing to do the crew’s imaginations had run wild. Chakotay, himself, feared the worse.

“Commander Chakotay, report to my Ready Room.” Janeway’s voice came over the comm badge. 

Finally, some answers. It wasn’t like Kathryn to seal herself off in her Ready Room. Striding across the bridge, Paris and Kim gave him sidelong looks. All the bridge crew were uneasy with their captain’s peculiar behavior.

The door chimed.

“Come in,” Janeway said a moment before the door granted him entrance.

As if she had aged ten years, Janeway sat at her desk ramrod straight, tension drawing fine lines around her mouth and brows. 

First, the strange readings that Paris had picked up. Then Chakotay had been denied access to the necessary systems to investigate and Kathryn locked herself in her Ready Room for the past several hours. Now she looked like she’d been dragged through a Cardassian prison camp. By the spirits, what had happened?

“Captain, what is going on?”

Her gaze direct and stern. “You aren’t going to like this, Commander, but I can’t tell you. Protocol forbids me giving out more information than needed.”

Prickles of uneasiness dance along his spine. “May I ask—”

“No.” Her masked slipped for a moment. If he hadn’t been watching her so intently or knew her so well, he wouldn’t have seen it. She was worried.

He took a step forward. “Kathryn.”

She held up her hand to silence him. “If I could – I don’t even know if I would— but please, I need you to trust me. Can you do that?”

“Of course, but—”

“No buts. Here.” She held out a PADD to him.

Quickly, Chakotay scanned the information. More confused than he was before, he raised his head to look at his captain. “What am I supposed to tell the crew about the modifications they are to make? They are going to want to know why. Multiphasic shielding, shuttle modifications…” His head snapped up. “Extreme thermal stress? Kathryn, what are we about to face?”

She stood and walked over to him, closing the distance between the two of them. Her hushed and urgent tone told him more than the stress and regret in her eyes. “Chakotay, I need you to obey your captain. Secrecy is imperative to the success of this mission. No questions.”

“Aye, captain.” 

“One more thing.” She took a breath and sat back down at her desk. “Tell Seven I need to see her at once. Additionally, everything needs to be done by 1100 hours. Dismissed.”

If she had slapped him, it wouldn’t have possibly surprised him or shocked him more.

/^\

It had been a long day, and it wasn’t even half way over. Chakotay needed to find the captain. He wasn’t the only one who had difficulty working in the dark. He’d just left B’Elanna in the shuttle bay checking up on her progress on the shuttle’s modifications.

B’Elanna, always a cool under pressure, had been frazzled trying to make the captain’s deadline. Even the doctor had just contacted him voicing serious concerns about the level of danger for this mission.

“Computer, Locate Captain Janeway.”

“Captain Janeway is on Deck 5.” 

Picking up his pace, he hurried to her location. 

“Captain, I need to speak to you.” Chakotay caught up to Janeway in the corridor outside of Sickbay.

“What is it, Commander? I’ve got a lot to do.” She paused with her hands on her hip.

He scanned the hallway then motioned for them to enter his office. They didn’t spend much time here, but the gossip mill was working overtime and he didn’t need to add any fodder.

“This isn’t working.”

Sighing, she said, “I don’t have time for this, Commander.”

“Well you better make the time, Kathryn. I don’t like what’s going on here. I have no problem following any command you give, but this. This is crazy. B’Elanna is having serious doubts about whether she can finish the shuttle modifications on time. The fact that she’s even making those updates only makes me assume that you are planning leaving the ship soon. Can’t you at least let me know what to expect? You owe me that much.”

“You’re out of line, Commander.” She motioned her hand back and forth between the two of them. “See, this is the reason why we can’t have a relationship here on Voyager.”

Frustration welled within Chakotay and he slammed his hand down on his desk. “Don’t throw our relationship— or lack thereof – in my face. This isn’t about us or any romantic feelings I might have for you. This goes beyond that. As First Officer, my job is to keep my captain safe regardless of how I might feel about her. You are taking risks with your safety and well-being which violates your precious Star Fleet protocol and that is what I’m protesting.”

His chest rose and fell quickly as rage surged through his body. She expected him to idly sit by while she led a dangerous mission while simultaneously keeping him, and everyone but Seven, in the dark. All day he’d fielded question and soothed worries from concerned crewman and when he broached his concerns to her, and instead of answers she brought up how he felt.

She walked over to him and placed a hand on his chest. 

He stepped back. “Now which of us is using the other’s emotions as a weapon to get what they want?” He blew out a breath. “Kathryn, this isn’t about you and me as friends… or former lovers, it’s about the needs of this crew and the First Officer’s ability to not only reassure the crew but keep my captain safe.”

The comm sounded interrupting any response Kathryn could make. “Seven of Nine to the captain.”

“Janeway here.”

“I need your assistance in Cargo bay 2.”

Janeway sighed. “On my way.” Their gazes met. “I’m sorry I can’t give you more. And… I’ll send Harry to help B’Elanna.”

After she left, Chakotay stood unmoving. That hadn’t go the way he wanted at all. Anger never worked. He should have learned that by now. Rarely did he lose his temper, but working in the dark on something so obviously dangerous was not easy.

But would he have fought so hard to keep her safe if he didn’t love her so much? Probably not. He hated not being able to be the one she confided in protocol or no protocol. 

Support. That’s all he could give her if he couldn’t give her safety. Chakotay left his office and continued his rounds checking on the progress of the work crews. He continued to allay as many fears as possible and remind the crew of the captain’s orders even if he did not 100 percent agree with what she was doing, he believed she was doing the best she could. 

Long ago he had made the decision to stand by her side and that was exactly what he was going to do. She could just be so stubborn at times.

“Janeway to Chakotay.”

His thoughts of her must have called her up. Tapping his comm badge her responded. “Chakotay here.”

A pause. “Will you meet me in Astrometrics? Please.”

“On my way.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janeway needs to protect the crew, but can she argue with Chakotay's reasoning?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I borrowed some dialogue right from this episode in some places and added my own in others. I hope you like it.

Kathryn was getting a stress headache. She massaged her temples but it wasn’t reliving the tension. Chakotay had been correct: this undoubtedly was one of the more personally difficult missions. Especially since she couldn’t let anyone else in about the nature of the mission. 

She shook her head. No, she had to protect them. It was bad enough that her decision had stranded them all in the Delta Quadrant. How could she knowingly lead them into a potential situation that would make it all but impossible to get back to Earth by destroying subspace leaving the entire quadrant un able to use warp speed. That is if they weren’t all killed in the blast if the Omega molecule became unstable and reacted.

It was bad enough she’d allowed Seven’s participation, that was a breach but she needed the former Borg’s knowledge. The small bit of information she was about to share was another breach but for more personal reasons. There was a very real chance that Kathryn would not be returning from this mission. If the explosion from the Omega molecule didn’t kill her then the effects of the theta radiation poisoning from would.

The chime signaled Chakotay’s arrival to the lab.

“Come in,” she unsealed the doors with her command.

The doors to astrometrics swooshed opened and her first officer— her best friend– strode in. He still looked angry. His crisp control was back in place but she knew him better than that. Fist clenched at his side, jaw tight yes, he was still very much upset with her. She didn’t want it to end like this. It couldn’t end like this.

“Status report.” They could at least get the banal chitchat out of the way. She was taking a leap of faith with the rest and being a slight bit selfish. Knowing wouldn’t make it any easier for him to watch her leave Voyager, but at least their final moments would not be lost in anger.

She fondly remembered their last goodbye they had shared on New Earth. Those hours spent wrapped in each other’s arms as they weaved a tale of how life might have turned out for them if they had remained on the planet. 

They didn’t have time for such frivolity now.

“Everything is going according to schedule.” Chakotay‘s stiff response made her sigh.

He wasn’t giving an inch. She took for granted his unwavering support and endorsement. She needed it to make her monumental task, of getting their crew home, more manageable. They had come so far on their journey: from mistrust and uneasy alliance to deep friendship and love home. Their friendship, as complicated as it was, had been an anchor in the tumultuous storm of the Delta Quadrant. He was so dear to her and it hurt to think of leaving him without at least having some inclination as to why she’d left.

She took a deep breath and folded her hands in front of her more to keep them from reaching out to stroke the side of his face and remove the tension that was there.  
“The Omega Directive doesn’t allow me to say much, but I want you to know what to expect. You’re right. I do owe you that much at least.”

Chakotay’s’ stance relaxed as she filled in what details she could.

“Would it be out of line to ask where you are going?”

A small smile curved her lips as he turned around her words from this morning on him. She had a long way to go in way of this making this up to him, but she needed him to understand and there was so little time. If this was going to be one of the last times they were alone together, she wanted them to end on a good note.

If she was honest with herself, keeping him isolated from her duty to destroy the Omega molecule and their potential separation was what was tearing her up inside. Not long ago, when Kathryn battled that alien who wanted her to enter his matrix willingly, Kathryn had fought to stay with her crew. 

Fought to stay with Chakotay. 

Even if she believed at the time the only way to remain close to him was some half-life of haunting Voyager, she wasn’t ready to let go. Her desire not to leave him was stronger than the alien force trying to trick her to believe she needed to ‘crossover.’

And much of her fight had been of this man. She loved him. As simply and as completely as anything she’d ever known or believed in. And if the worse was to happen on this mission, she wanted— needed— him to know that. 

“If all goes according to plan, Seven and I will return in three days.”

“And if it doesn’t?” His jaw was tight with tension.

She took a deep breath. “Then the sensors will detect an explosion in subspace. If that occurs you’ll have less than ten seconds to jump to warp and get out of here. Set a course for the Alpha quadrant and don’t look back. Understood?”

He stared at her for a moment. “I find it hard to believe that even Star Fleet would order a captain to go on a suicide mission. This shuttle excursion is your idea isn’t it? Kathryn, I know you too well.”

He did and that only made her love him more. He saw exactly who and what she was and still he not only loved her, he stood by her side. “Let’s just say I’ve had to amend the directive given our circumstances out here in the delta quadrant.”

“Amend them again. You’re determined to protect this crew and this time you’ve taken it too far.”

“Chakotay, you have your orders and I expect you to follow them.”

“That’s expecting a lot. You are asking me to abandon my captain and closest friend, hell, the woman I love without even telling me why.”

His words gripped her. They usually didn’t speak so frankly about their feelings. 

“If it was just a simple matter of trust, I wouldn’t hesitate to tell you. But would knowing why really make any of this easier?”

He stepped closer to her. “This is a dangerous mission, fine, I’ll acknowledge that. But isn’t it more likely to succeed with everyone working behind you, working together? Us working together; facing the worse, shoulder to shoulder?”

Kathryn wanted to close the distance between them. Allow herself one final moment to rest in is arms. Would that be too foolish? Would her death be harder for him to bear? She didn’t want to put him through that. 

“I won’t ask the crew to risk their lives because of my obligation” 

He reached for her and caught hold of her arms. “Voyager may be alone, but you’re not. We’ll keep classified information limited to the senior staff. We’ll take every security precaution. Just don’t do try to do this all by yourself. If I have to lose you, I want to know I did everything I could to ensure your safety and possible success. If we work together there is a better chance of you returning to me.”

“I thought this wasn’t about us?”

Slowly, he drew her into an embrace. “Kathryn, everything is about us. Star Fleet could not possibly speculate on a situation like ours. We’re all more than just a crew. You and I are more than just friends. Your needs, your obligations are mine. Regardless of whether or not you like it, you’re stuck with me. At least for the next 70 or so light years. We’re connected: you, me, Voyager. We’re in this together.”

For a moment she let his words and warmth seep into her. She had felt so utterly isolated by this mission. 

_Peace and strength._ She and Chakotay were two sides of the same coin. She leaned back to look up into his unbelievably handsome face and for the first time in almost 20 hours, she felt hope.

“Assemble the troops.”


	3. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just needed a bit of closure.

Kathryn had just slipped off her jacket when her door chime sounded. They had successfully destroyed the Omega molecule and all she wanted was to unwind but she smiled knowing who it could be. “Come in.”

These after hour visits were infrequent but always welcomed after a particularly grueling day. She walked over to the replicator as Chakotay entered her quarters. 

“Tea, hot.”

“I was supposed to offer you solace not have you serve me.” He was dressed down in a causal tan shirt and slacks.

He looked… well he looked like home if Kathryn was honest with herself. The mission had been wrought with danger, but they had made it through just like he said…together.

She brought over his tea and placed it on the table then sat on her sofa. Sighing, she brought her hand up to her shoulder to try to ease some of the day’s tension away.

“Here, let me.”

Sitting down on the sofa next to her, Chakotay brushed her hand aside and began the most wonderful and relaxing massage Kathryn had had in quite some time.

She sank down into the warmth of his touch. Letting out a little groan, she said, “if almost destroying subspace in an entire quadrant gets me perks like this, I might have to do it more often.”

Pausing, he leaned close to her ear. “That isn’t funny. Kazon, Borg, Fluidic space, danger is a part of our lives; but, we are a part of each other as well. I don’t take too kindly with you trying to leave me. Don’t do it again.”

She smiled. “Yes, sir.”

After a few moments of quiet, Kathryn said, “I just left a very… confused young former Borg in my D'vinci holodeck program. It seems as though she had a religious experience when the Omega particle spontaneously stabilized for those few moments. She didn’t quite know how to handle it.”

Chakotay continued his massage. “Really, maybe I should help her find her spirit guide.”

This time Kathryn sat forward and turned to look at her first officer. “Don’t make me hurt you.”

Chuckling, he pulled her back to rest against his chest. “What woman in any quadrant could compare to my Kathryn?”

She fell asleep with a smile on her face, her ear pressed to his heart.

The end


End file.
